Why You and Your Spouse Remember Things Differently

by Kent Larson for NewsOK:Men may be from Mars and women from Venus but does this mean they have differing abilities when it comes to remembering things? The research is in and the answer is a definite yes!In the Battle of the Sexes, if memory is key then women win hands of hippocampus down. Women’s brains have a larger hippocampus area than men. This area stores memories according to a study submitted to The National Academy of Sciences. Women have more neural connections into the hippocampus area. Translated for men, women have more gigabytes of memory space.A man's brain has more connections between the front and rear areas; these deal with logic, mathematics, and spatial or geographic skills. The average man knows without looking where the exits are and where he is in relation to other destinations.A woman's brain has more connections between the right and left portions; these deal with emotional, societal, and inference skills. The average woman knows what is meant by what is said, how it is said, and what wasn’t said. She will remember better what took place, why it did, and with a lot more detail.Memories store better for women due to the high connectivity of the two hemispheres. They are better able to recall names, faces, relationships, and events. Men are more basic in their recall. For example, if a husband asks his wife how her day was, he will get a very detailed answer. Everything is connected to something else in her brain. This event is colored or changed by all five senses with emotional context as well, according to Psychology Today. Her memory isn’t just facts but an experience.If a husband is asked the same question, he goes to his memory and finds nothing specific. There was nothing really bad or really good about the day, so it was fine. He will remember details, but that wasn’t what he was asked. He was asked “how” the day was. There is no correlation for him to be able to give a better answer unless he understands the differences between him and his spouse.However, these differences are beneficial and necessary to a good marriage. Dr. Judy B. Rosener wrote in Harvard Business Review men are linear thinkers; women are holistic thinkers. In a relationship, those two qualities may balance each other out, but thinking holistically may correlate with marital longevity and success. Dr. Willard Harley Jr. from Marriage Builders uses the analogy of a husband and wife standing back to back and describing what they see. Each of them only has the perspective of half the horizon but working together they make a whole.There are differences in how spouses think and remember things, but acknowledging it allows couples to focus on learning from each other. Instead of tearing each other down because they are different, husbands and wives can try to understand and emulate the strengths of their spouses. Husbands can become better listeners and nurturers. Wives can learn to be blunter in expressing their feelings and ideas.Dr. Harley says, “It would be a terrible mistake for either of them to claim that they had the only true vision of the world and that the other should be guided exclusively by their vision. It's only when they respect the differences in their perspectives and they learn from them that they gain a complete knowledge of the world.” In doing so, love grows deeper, marriage becomes stronger and life gets easier to enjoy.